When someone you care about is struggling with their mental health, it can be hard to know what to do. You may worry about saying the wrong thing. You might feel pressure to solve the problem. You may even wonder if the person wants your help.
You do not need to have all the answers. Often, the most helpful thing you can do is listen, show that you care, and help the person connect with support.
What Does It Mean to Struggle With Mental Health?
Everyone has difficult days. Stress, sadness, anger, and worry are normal parts of life. However, sometimes these feelings become intense or last for a long time.
A person who is struggling may have trouble:
- Getting out of bed
- Going to work or school
- Sleeping or eating normally
- Keeping up with daily tasks
- Spending time with other people
- Managing fear, worry, anger, or sadness
- Enjoying activities they once liked
- Making decisions
- Caring for themselves
Mental health struggles do not always look the same. Some people cry or talk openly about how they feel. Others become quiet, distant, angry, or unusually busy. A person may look fine on the outside while feeling overwhelmed inside.
Signs Someone May Need Support
Changes in behavior can be a sign that someone is having a hard time. You may notice that the person:
- Pulls away from friends or family
- Stops responding to calls or messages
- Misses work, school, or important events
- Seems tired most of the time
- Has sudden changes in mood
- Becomes more angry or upset than usual
- Uses more alcohol or other substances
- Stops caring for their health or appearance
- Talks about feeling hopeless, worthless, or trapped
- Gives away important belongings
- Talks about death or not wanting to be here
One sign does not always mean that a person has a mental health condition. Still, a major or lasting change may be a reason to check in. Trust your concern. You do not have to wait until you are certain that something is wrong.
How to Start the Conversation
Starting a conversation about mental health may feel uncomfortable. Choose a calm and private time when possible.
You might say:
- “I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed like yourself lately. How are you doing?”
- “You seem like you have a lot on your mind. Do you want to talk?”
- “I care about you, and I wanted to check in.”
- “I’ve noticed you’ve been pulling away. Is something going on?”
- “You don’t have to talk right now, but I’m here when you’re ready.”
Try to describe what you have noticed without judging the person.
For example, instead of saying, “You have been acting strange,” you could say, “I noticed you have missed several family dinners, and I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
The person may not be ready to talk. That does not mean your effort did not matter. Let them know the door is open.
Listen Without Trying to Fix Everything
Many people rush to offer advice because they want to help. However, advice may not be what the person needs first.
They may need to feel heard.
Give the person time to speak. Try not to interrupt, compare their experience to your own, or tell them what they should do.
You can respond with simple statements such as:
- “That sounds really hard.”
- “I’m glad you told me.”
- “I can understand why you feel overwhelmed.”
- “You do not have to go through this alone.”
- “What would feel helpful right now?”
Listening does not mean that you agree with every thought or choice. It means you are trying to understand what the person is feeling.
You do not need to find the perfect words. Being calm, present, and willing to listen can be powerful.
Take Their Feelings Seriously
Avoid telling the person to “cheer up,” “get over it,” or “look on the bright side.” These comments may be meant to help, but they can make someone feel dismissed.
It is also best to avoid statements such as:
- “Other people have it worse.”
- “You have so much to be thankful for.”
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “You just need to think positively.”
- “It’s all in your head.”
- “You don’t seem depressed.”
- “I know exactly how you feel.”
Instead, acknowledge the person’s experience.
You might say, “I may not fully understand what this feels like, but I care about you and want to support you.”
Ask What Kind of Help They Need
Do not assume that everyone needs the same type of support. Some people want to talk. Others may need practical help.
Try asking:
- “Do you want me to listen, or would you like help thinking about what to do next?”
- “What would make today a little easier?”
- “Would you like help finding a therapist?”
- “Would it help if I went with you to an appointment?”
- “Can I help with food, errands, or another task?”
- “Would you like me to check in again tomorrow?”
Specific offers can be easier to accept than saying, “Let me know if you need anything.”
For example, you could offer to bring dinner, take a walk together, help make a phone call, or sit with the person while they search for a therapist.
Small actions can feel more manageable when someone is overwhelmed.
Encourage Professional Mental Health Support
Friends and family can provide important support, but they cannot replace professional care.
A therapist can help the person understand their feelings, learn coping skills, and work through the problems affecting their life. A primary care provider may also help rule out health concerns and discuss treatment options.
You might say:
- “Have you thought about talking with a therapist?”
- “You deserve support with this.”
- “I can help you look for someone if you want.”
- “Would you like me to sit with you while you make the call?”
- “Talking to someone does not mean you are weak.”
Avoid forcing, threatening, or shaming the person unless there is an immediate safety concern. People are often more open to help when they feel respected and included in the decision.
If the first therapist is not a good fit, encourage the person to keep looking. Finding the right therapist can take time.
Continue to Check In
Mental health support should not end after one conversation.
Depression, anxiety, trauma, grief, and other concerns may last for weeks, months, or longer. A person may also pull away when they need support the most.
Send a simple message such as:
- “I’m thinking about you today.”
- “No pressure to reply. I just wanted you to know I care.”
- “How has this week been?”
- “Would you like some company?”
- “I’m still here.”
Try to be patient. Recovery is not always a straight path. A person may have good days followed by difficult ones. Do not take it personally if they do not respond right away.
Help Without Taking Control
It is natural to want to protect someone you love. However, taking over every decision may leave the person feeling powerless.
When it is safe, allow them to make choices about their care. Ask permission before contacting providers, family members, or employers for them.
You can offer options without giving orders.
For example, say, “Would you like help making an appointment?” instead of, “You need to call a therapist today.”
Support should help a person feel less alone, not less in control of their life.
Know When the Situation May Be an Emergency
Always take statements about suicide or self-harm seriously.
Possible warning signs may include:
- Talking about wanting to die
- Saying others would be better off without them
- Feeling hopeless or trapped
- Looking for a way to harm themselves
- Giving away valued belongings
- Saying goodbye unexpectedly
- Suddenly becoming calm after a period of severe distress
- Taking dangerous risks
- Increasing alcohol or drug use
If you are worried, ask clearly and directly:
“Are you thinking about suicide?”
Asking this question does not put the idea into someone’s mind. Research reviewed by the National Institute of Mental Health shows that asking directly does not increase suicidal thoughts or behavior. It can open the door to an honest conversation. The NIMH recommends five basic steps: ask, be there, help keep the person safe, help them connect with support, and follow up. Learn more from the National Institute of Mental Health.
If the person says yes, stay calm and listen. Do not promise to keep suicidal thoughts a secret.
If there is immediate danger:
- Stay with the person when it is safe to do so.
- Call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.
- Help reduce access to weapons, medications, or other dangerous items if you can do so safely.
- Call or text 988 for guidance and crisis support.
The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available throughout the United States 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You can contact 988 because you are worried about someone else. Michigan calls to 988 are supported through the state’s crisis system. Learn more about 988 in Michigan.
Do not leave someone alone if you believe they are in immediate danger.
Respect Privacy Without Keeping Dangerous Secrets
Mental health is personal. Avoid sharing someone’s struggles with others unless you have permission.
However, safety comes before privacy. If you believe the person may hurt themselves or someone else, contact emergency or crisis support. Tell a trusted adult, family member, medical provider, or another person who can help.
It is better for someone to feel upset with you for asking for help than for you to ignore a serious danger.
Set Healthy Boundaries
Supporting someone does not mean that you must be available every hour of the day. It also does not mean you must accept harmful behavior.
You can care about someone and still set limits.
You might say:
- “I care about you, but I cannot answer calls while I am at work.”
- “I can talk for 20 minutes tonight.”
- “I want to support you, but I cannot be your only source of help.”
- “I will listen, but I cannot stay in the conversation if I am being yelled at.”
- “This sounds serious, and I think we need to contact a professional.”
Boundaries protect both people. They can help prevent anger, exhaustion, and resentment.
You are a support person. You are not responsible for curing someone or controlling every choice they make.
Take Care of Your Own Mental Health
Supporting someone through a mental health struggle can be tiring and emotional. You may feel worried, helpless, frustrated, or afraid.
Make time for your own needs. This may include:
- Getting enough sleep
- Eating regular meals
- Spending time outside
- Talking with someone you trust
- Keeping your own appointments and routines
- Taking breaks from difficult conversations
- Meeting with your own therapist
- Doing activities that help you recharge
Taking care of yourself is not selfish. You will have more patience and energy when your own needs are also being met.
What If They Refuse Help?
Adults usually have the right to make their own treatment decisions unless there is an emergency or another legal concern.
You can continue to express care, share resources, and check in. You can also be honest about what you have noticed.
You might say:
“I respect that this is your decision. I’m still concerned because you have not been eating or going to work. I care about you, and I hope you will consider talking with someone.”
You cannot force someone to change. Focus on what you can control: being kind, sharing honest concerns, setting boundaries, and responding when safety is at risk.
Your Support Can Make a Difference
You do not need special training to show someone that they matter.
Listen without judgment. Take their feelings seriously. Offer practical help. Encourage professional support. Keep checking in.
You may not be able to remove their pain, but you can help them feel less alone while they move toward help and healing.
Mental Health Support in Grand Blanc and Across Michigan
Mi Mind Matters provides compassionate, trauma-informed therapy for adults in Grand Blanc and through telehealth across Michigan. Support is available for concerns such as anxiety, depression, trauma, grief, stress, PTSD, and difficult life changes.
If you or someone you care about may benefit from therapy, us to learn more about current availability and services.
If there is an immediate safety concern, call 911, go to the nearest emergency department, or call or text 988.